Ask for help!

In every book I have read lately, the last section of the book is titled Acknowledgment. In that section, the author thanks and acknowledges all the people who have helped them to write and publish their book. Some people go on for pages on the numerous people who made it possible for them to achieve their goal. I have yet to write a book, but I envision when the writer sits down to finish that last but oh so meaningful section, they are filled with endless gratitude. I envision that because thats how I feel about the network I have in my corner. I have an amazing set of friends and family that love and support me unconditionally.

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It wasn’t always this way though. I loved to keep people at bay (an arm’s distance was the bare minimum). If people got to close, they could see the real me and somehow hurt me. But ultimately, it came down to this:

I never wanted to have to rely on anyone. Needing help meant I was weak.

I just had this conversation with one of my employees yesterday. He commented several times about not wanting to rely on anyone and doing it himself. I smiled and even laughed for a second because it was as if I was starring right back into time, at a younger, more stubborn and foolish version of myself. It would be fair to say that back then, if I broke my arm, I would probably consider cutting it off if it meant relying on someone else to fix it.

It’s a rather silly reason and makes no rational sense, especially since I have no understanding of human anatomy (failed that class in college don’t you know). I would not have the slightest bit of knowledge on where to even start. I would absolutely make things worse. Instead though, I’d walk Screen Shot 2018-07-28 at 1.34.31 PMaround, hiding the pain and pretending nothing was wrong. Then behind closed doors, I’d cry and cringe at how much it actually did. I’d wrap it up and baby the shit out of it, again only when alone and out of the public eye. No matter how many people commented on how gross my arm was starting to look, how I should really get it looked at, the possibility of it being broken and needing surgery, or all the horror stories people would have regarding procrastinating the doctors, I would shrug it off, tell them it’s not that bad, with my famous line, ‘I got it’.

At this point, ya’ll are possibly laughing. You should be. It sounds absolutely fucking ridiculous and is, but that is how so many people think. They would rather continue pretending life is grand, it’s under control and they will figure it out, instead of acknowledging they don’t know and need help. So many wont accept help, let alone ask for help.

Momma Jane, my lovely mother, used to always say, ‘when someone offers something, you smile and say thank you. It’s not your business to deny them that pleasure.’ And so I have begun, especially after having a baby. My time is limited and I can’t do it all anymore. On top of physically unable to be able to do it all, I don’t want too. It’s exhausting for one. And for two, I get such better results when I ask others to assist. There are even many occasions where I do not even have to ask, I just have to say yes to the help offered.

Asking for help can look like just about anything. If you’re struggling and don’t know the next step to take, find someone that may. Find someone that may have gone through the same thing and ask how they did it. If you are trying something new, ask someone their Screen Shot 2018-07-28 at 1.34.46 PMexperience for preparation. If you can’t do something, ask someone who can. If you are at a crossroad, ask someone to listen and offer up their suggestion. Help comes in so many ways, big or small. Help is help and help gets shit done.

If you haven’t noticed I am all about getting shit done lately. I think I have used it in two blogs lately, as well as several of my Facebook posts. Time is of the essence these days. I am not sure if I’m finally understanding this because mom world takes up 75% of my time, leaving me to cram a 9-5 job, a business launch, a family, a dog, health, and my own personal needs into the remaining 25% or not, but there is not enough time in the day to waste it. It could also be that I wasted so many years not being good enough, doubting myself and hushing up my dreams out of fear that I refuse to waste any more time. Who knows and it really doesn’t matter how I came to this conclusion. The conclusion has always remained time is precious, don’t waste it.

Years ago when I used to get tatted (I slowed down although I would love more), I had one put on that says:

“We are all given a pocketful of time to use however we may. We use what we will and waste what we want, but we can never get back a day.”

It is so true. I look back at all the time I have wasted and so much was wasted trying to ‘do it’ alone. I’ve lied to myself and told myself I got it way too many times when I didn’t. I lost out on so many great opportunities because I refused to look weak. I gave up on a bunch of goals because it required others help. I resisted input and others experiences because I didn’t want to rely on them. I kept too many people out when all they wanted to do was come in and add value.

Life isn’t made to be lived alone. Life is made to pull us all together and embrace the world around us. So I offer up this simple solution, ask for help! It’s that basic ladies and gentlemen. And chances are you’ll get to where you want to go much faster and enjoy the journey much more if you stop being you’re own doctor. If you broke your arm, go get it fixed! Ask for fucking help.

 

Toodles, Becca Jane 🙂

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