addiction, ask for help, best version, drugs and alcohol, keto diet, Uncategorized

EXPOSED: Have you seen me naked?

I know I can’t be the only one who stares in the mirror naked on a regular basis. I even look at myself as I walk away from the mirror to see how I look from the back. Some days I think I look sexy depending on the angle I’m looking from. However, usually, within milliseconds of me having that thought of myself, my inner works start pointing out my not so sexy traits. And that is on a good day. Catch me on a low day and there are no thoughts of sexiness whatsoever.

My typical go to is the cellulite I have on the outer pockets of my things. It’s not even patches here and there. I literally have what I like to refer to as chipmunk cheeks on each side. I usually prefer to swing up to the love handle section, although I don’t stay there long as I don’t have pants on to really showcase them and make them bulge. I notice the stomach region though 99.9% of the time and try to suck it in and pretend I see a 6 pack calling out for help. It never does. The final thought I usually end my naked annihilation with, is the amount of dimples I have covering my butt cheeks. Dimples is the more friendly term I refer to as the cellulite covering my entire lower half.

I know what you’re thinking now with how sexy I just described myself as. Simmer down y’all, I’m a married woman.

For someone who holds there head up high and loves themselves on a regular basis, I have my fair share of fill in the blanks of ‘I wish my body was ____.’ I’m a thick girl, always have been and always will be. Even at my prime physique when I was boxing, I remained in the heavier weight class. I have had cellulite for majority of my adolescents and all of my adult life. My belly is not flat. It rarely has been and I suck it in when I sit down sometimes. And then you add a mom BOD to all of that and woah buddy!! Sex appeal can be a big fat negative. That is, if I let it.

Over the last 4+ weeks I have been doing the Keto diet. I tried it when Avery was about 6 months old and my milk supply dropped so I stopped. My dedication to feeding her outweighed my dedication to look and feel good about myself at the time. However, I had finally reached my limit. My energy was low. Add in poor nutrition, sleep deprivation and exercise was nonexistent unless you consider lifting and carrying my 20 lb kid and I felt like shit. You can always tell when someone is taking care of themselves. They could not lose a pound, but you will be able to tell the difference between when they aren’t putting their health in the forefront verse when they are. Amazing what healthy living does for ones soul. And contrary to that, amazing what poor habits erupt when you aren’t.

I weighed in anywhere from 198-195lbs over the last year. My average, middle of the road weight is 170, so I was looking at around 25lbs over weight. It sucked. I actually had to go out and buy new clothes for work because the ones I had were too small. (Public Service Announcement: If this is you, if you cannot fit into any of your old clothes because they are too small, do me these 2 favors: 1. Go buy yourself some new clothes. Trust me! It is worth the money, even if you cannot afford new clothes, find a way. 2. Put all your old clothes away, out of sight. Do not look at them and have to rummage through them every time you get dressed. It’s just a constant reminder of where you no longer are at the moment.)

No matter how much I hated how I felt, I couldn’t stop eating like shit. I would commit myself to healthy eating and daily exercise, only to fall short three or four days in due to being too tired or not enough time. Donuts would be offered around the table at work and I’d say yes. The gas station would have a pack of M&M’s at the counter when I went in to pay and I’d say yes. The drive-through sounded so much more appealing then cooking on the stove and I’d say yes. And the biggest culprit of them all, my comfort zone worshipped sweets and relied on them heavily to get me through sleep deprivation, hormone fluctuations, and run of the mill life events and I said yes. I was saying yes to every unhealthy thing I could to my body (minus drugs and alcohol).

Who knows if my sweet cravings come from my addition to drugs and alcohol, but I can’t stay away. I will eat one tiny bite of a sweet, some form of sugar and I am off to race tracks. It is all I think about. It is so bad that sometimes I have to throw the rest of it away after taking a piece otherwise I’ll eat it all. I do not think twice about eating a whole pie or a big ol bag of peanut m&m’s. I become a mad woman. If there is chocolate in my house, I know where it is and the thought of it haunts me until I eat it. And because of my addiction to sugar, it makes it that much harder to feel good about myself when my insides feel like death.

If we fast forward past all of my insane habits and thoughts regarding sugar, I ended up learning about the Keto diet. I have attempted so many diets over the last 15+ years. Some I do decent with for a time and others I don’t make it past day two. I come from a background in athletics and have always been in and out of nutrition and exercise regimens. Other then Keto, I found a lot of success using Beachbody, especially the 21 day fix; however, that requires a lot of meal prep and right now I don’t want to have to add meal prepping into my routine. I am also not committed to that intense of working out yet. I am using my energy elsewhere. However, I am committed to health and exercise so my commitment regarding exercise is to walk everyday for 15 minutes. Since I made that commitment last Monday, I have successfully done it for 9 days in a row. I’m starting out small and working my way up to bigger goals.

So why keto? I believed in the science behind it and it sounded like something I could do. I am very black and white. I need to know what I can have and what I can’t. I have to make absolutes. I either can have something or I can’t. And for me, the option to have just ‘a little’ sugar never ends well. I can’t monitor my intake. Sure I can see how many bites of cake I have or how many Swedish fish I inhale, but once that sugar hits my mouth, I lose count. It becomes an obsession.

So for one, Keto makes this very clear to me. I can have no more then 25g of carbs a day. Once you look into how many carbs are in a food item, you learn that 25 will not get you very far. I was able to make a concrete list of Non-Edible food items and sweets did not make the cut. Check for Keto!

Next, I could still eat at restaurants and food events, I just had to steer clear of the non-edible list. On top of still being able to eat out, I had options which always makes those events more enjoyable. And on days I was just too tired to cook, I could have the option to swing through some fast food joint for something to eat.

Third, I liked and understood the science behind it. Basically the short version of it (I recommend you to research it to understand it more) is that centuries and centuries ago, before man invented agriculture, man lived off of berries, animal and nuts. Their diet consisted of high fat, medium protein and low carb and they were all very healthy. Their bodies used fat for burning energy, resulting in lean and healthy human beings. Jump ahead to now and our diets consist of high carb, medium to high fat and low protein and our bodies are using glucose aka sugar for energy. Take note at today’s struggles with obesity and heath ailments.

When our bodies rely on glucose to burn energy, our brain sends out signals or ‘cravings’ to find the fastest way to ingest sugar. Since sugar operates in quick bursts of energy, we have to constantly eat carbs to maintain a level of energy. However, we often overestimate due to cravings and the bodies need for constant fuel, we over eat and any sugar that is not used up in the quick burst is stored as fat for later usage.

However, if instead of sugar you use fat, your body starts to find it and begins using it to make fuel. It takes the extra weight you have laying around in your stomach, legs and or arms and puts it towards allowing you to function for the day. Even trade if you ask me! When your body is using fat instead of sugar it is in a state of what is called Ketosis. Ketosis is good. You want Ketosis, even if you can’t pronounce it, you want it.

And last but not least, I know a bunch of people who live a Keto lifestyle and they have amazing results. Of course I want in on something if others have great success with it. It could very likely be the latest fad diet but that’s okay because it’s working for me. I feel great! I have a lot of energy, thank god I need it. I am putting in 4-6 hours a day into my business ‘To Believe To Create’, Avery is teething and up anywhere from 2-5 times a night and I’m still working that 9-5. I need energy and with Keto I have it.

I forget to eat sometimes as I get so caught up with taking care of the baby or working that eating gets forgotten. It’s okay on Keto because I do the intermitted fasting, where I eat after 11 and only have 2 meals a day. Before you freak out over 2 meals a day, you’d be surprised how full you stay when you’re burning fat.

I recently weighed myself and currently weight 185 lbs. I am down over 10lbs since starting. I am not looking for a particular goal weight on this journey or have an end date in mind. I really believe I have found a way of living and eating healthy that is sustainable. If I want to kickass in my career, have my business take off, being an amazing mother, and a fabulous wife, then I need to take care of the body that helps to do all those things. I need to put my health needs first.

So Keto it is. And I am proud to say that in the 4 weeks of doing it, I only made one poor decision to eat sugar. In the past, that one day would be enough to keep me out binging on sugars. Instead, I got back on board and have fleeting thoughts of joining my old stomping grounds in the bakery aisle of the grocery store. They are manageable and I can easily not pay attention. And because of all this, I stare at myself just a little longer in the mirror when I’m naked now because I feel that much better.

 

Toodles, Becca Janes 🙂

 

 

 

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