I remember years ago my mom would come into my bedroom where I had been sleeping all day and make suggestions to me. ‘Why don’t you get up and go for a walk?’ ‘I’m sure you’d feel better if you took a shower and got dressed.’ ‘Get out and read a book at the park.’ She would suggest anything to help me get outside of myself and see the bigger picture. The bigger picture was that I needed to take action in my life and I needed guidance in order to do so successfully. I needed someone to hold me accountable. I need someone to hear the things that were going on inside my head (they sound a lot different when you say them out loud then when you keep them just within your own two ears). I needed help.
No one likes to admit they aren’t operating at their best. No one likes to admit they made a mistake or may have not made the best decision. No one likes others to point out their flaws. No one likes being imperfect to anyone else but themselves. It’s crazy how many people find comfort in being imperfect to themselves but themselves only. How many times have you said something rude, disrespectful derogatory, mean or negative to yourself?
‘That was stupid!’
‘I can’t believe you said that?’
‘I doubt they’ll like it.’
‘Are you fucking kidding me?’
We all do it. We all say those awful things to ourselves, yet cannot stand when others do it back to us. You’d consider smacking another if they talked to you the way you talk to yourself. We pretend to be perfect to the outside world, yet in our own head we say some pretty shitty things. And because of our fear of having others point out our flaws, because of our fear to admit we are in fact imperfect, we don’t ask for help.
Help is the most under used action available to us all.
Look at your inner circle…
How many people do you trust enough to take their advice each and every time?
How many people do you have that would call you on your bs?
How many people do you know who have your best interest at heart?
How many people around you actually know what they are talking about?
How many people beside you will tell you the ugly truth regardless?
How many in your inner circle will support you, cheer you on, catch you when you fall and then repeat the process all over again every time you stand up to life?
And how many people do you actually believe in enough and follow their suggestions?
The problem so many people have is that they don’t allow themselves to have that person around them. In order to bring someone into your inner circle and trust them that much, you must be willing to admit you may need help. You must be willing to let your guard down, hush up your insecurities and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Some feel help is a sign of weakness. Others believe they don’t need it, they got it all by themselves. While most shy away from anything that would require it and pretend everything is ok.
I have found over the years that not only do we all need it, we all benefit so much more from it. Why is it okay that millions go to a mechanic the minute their car needs assistance and have no qualms about it, but the minute they are struggling with something internally they refuse to ask for help? In my neighborhood so many people have their lawn cared for by lawn services and many actually have them cared for weekly at that. Yet people won’t obtain an outside service to clean up and maintain their inner thought process, you know those limiting beliefs I talked about last night during Fuck It Friday. It’s okay to ask for help for material items, but it’s not okay to ask for help with our most prized possession, ourselves?
How many of those questions above did you answer zero too? And if you answered zero, within the last two weeks, how many times have you asked for help regarding a material item? Did you get clothes dry cleaned? Did you need Customer Service recently? Did you ask an employee at a store for help? Did you ask your cellphone for directions? How come you can ask those people for help but you won’t ask for help regarding your internal makeup?
The best thing I ever did was find someone I trusted enough to help me work through the things I was thinking and feeling. The second best thing I did was take their suggestions and advice. And the third best thing I did and continue to do is admit when I couldn’t do it to the best of my ability and requested assistance. The keyword is to the best of my ability. No one is saying you can’t do it, it’s just not to your best. I have found I get much better results when I allow others in. Two heads are better then one in my opinion and at the end of the day I reap the benefits. I make better decisions. I make less mistakes. I make faster progress. And I get better results. Win-Win!
If you aren’t in a win-win situation, ask yourself what is stopping you from asking for help?
Toodles, Becca Jane 🙂